9 Lame Hobbies White People Love( For Some Reason)

There’s a type of person or persons incessantly tries out a mix of varied yet lame hobbies in a search to find something to oust the sense of endless alternative that succumbed long ago. For some reason, such beings are generally grey. I’m not sure what attracts them to some of the least hot pastimes ever composed. It’s not like people of color couldn’t try this shit if they wanted to. But it is much more enjoyable to sit back and watch as the paler members of the species attempt to convince themselves and everyone around them that they are enjoying themselves doing stupid shit like …

# 9. Climbing Mount Kilimanjaro

Mount Kilimanjaro’s name might literally represent “White Mountain.” This would be completely appropriate, considering how bunch of white people slew to its many easily-hikeable tracks and impressive-sounding identify per year. For them, summiting Kilimanjaro is an excuse to talk about trained for months while simply having to set for weeks. It also offers the rare opportunity to use the word “summit” as a verb, as demonstrated in the previous sentence.

For real, though, it’s not as difficult as the fearful identify becomes it seem. The most well known course up Kilimanjaro is derisively refers to as “the Coca-Cola roadway, ” on account of how it’s jam-packed with tourists and offering shops the entire practice up. Yes, it’s a long tread, one that takes around five days on average to terminated, but there’s certainly none of that “stick a pickax in a jagged crest and is hoped that the government supports your person weight” substance that you contemplate when you discover someone say they’re mountain climbing.

Oh, there’s also a course that lets beings drive most of the practice there. When they ultimately leave their air-conditioned moving palace, the narration they tell their friends is officially ready to begin. There are a number of details they’ll be sure to leave out. First of all, Kilimanjaro rises at such an improbably gentle gradient that the key challenge is to walk slowly enough up to avoid getting altitude sickness. One route template described the gait by saying, “imagine an arthritic 90 -year-old walking backwards — that’s maybe too fast.”

Another detail grey “adventurers” will leave out of the story of their “Kilimanjaro journey” is the doormen — or brown beings they pay to carry their shit for them while they focus on not strolling too fast.

Of course, climbing Kilimanjaro is not without its challenges. As this site explains, figuring out how much to tip the people who carry your pockets and cook your food can be extremely tricky.

# 8. Upcycling

Upcycling is when you take something age-old and useless and * gasp * transform it into something somewhat and helpful. For most of the world’s population, this is just announced being poor. It exists as “upcycling” for the same reason ghetto tourism exists. Eventually, rich white people get bored with doing rich white people shit and turn to “seeing how the other side lives” in the name of recreation. There’s nothing trendy about having to excavation through the garbage for a kitchen counter. That sweetened find you took residence, fixed up, and flip-flop on eBay could just as easily have ended up in the home of someone who needed a counter but didn’t have the resources to swing by IKEA and pick one up. Poverty is not a hobby, and it’s certainly not a vacation. Stop considering it like one.

# 7. Glamping

“Imagine seeing a remote island overlooking a tropical jungle in your 4-star treehouse appointed with the indulgences you would find at any high-end resort.” — Glamping.com

Well then you’re not fucking camping, okay? That’s a inn chamber that merely happens to be located in a tree. For all you are familiar with, a tsunami gave it up there. It was maybe in a Marriott formerly. Someone maybe submerge in your glamping tree, you savage.

# 6. Home-Brewing Beer

Have you ever spoke The Jungle ? We have the Food and Drug Administration in this country for a reason. And lately, the main cause seems to be that we need protection from thousands of grey all those people who think they can make amazing brew in entirely non-sterile defines and with no knowledge of food science.

True story: A few people I know bought one of those shitty Brew Your Own Beer equipment. The developing brew was so revolting that it left all of them spraying pure liquid garbage from both intentions for three days.

Another True Story: I have a acquaintance who tried constituting his own brew with the purposes of applying maybe, maybe, if everything went well, knock on wood, being able to sell it to neighbourhood tables so that he was able to one day, maybe, God willing, leave his daylight enterprise to become an independent brewer. A short while into this, he said to me,( and I repeat ), “My house smells like pussy.” This was not because his life had was transformed into a Budweiser commercial.

He hasn’t talked about it since.

# 5. Whittling/ Woodworking

No matter how badass Ron Swanson reached it seem, woodworking is not hot. Only Ron Swanson can make it hot, and “youre not” Ron Swanson. Period. You are just a grey person making a birdhouse for his grandmother. One which she’ll likely merely hang from a tree out of sheer politeness, like a mother who applies their child’s macaroni skill on the refrigerator opening. Hell, you could carve an marvelous eight-person dining table from a single red oak with a butter bayonet, and the most impressive thought about it would be if beings still liked you enough to eat dinner on it.

It’s not known if nonwhite people can shape whittling hot, because they cannot sit on their front porch with a bayonet in their hands without worrying about being shot.

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Updated: June 3, 2017 — 8:53 am

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