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7 Movie Questions You Won’t Believe Fans Actually Answered

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From “Will they or won’t they? ” to “What does Chewbacca’s dong look like? ” all great pop culture requires a whiff of enigma. Inevitably, some of these questions will be left unanswered by the end of any story, but isn’t it better that channel? We don’t need to know the solution to every single mystery were imposed by our favorite appearances or movies , no matter how dumb or inconsequential, right?

Who are we kidding? OF COURSE we need to know all that crap! Fortunately, there’s always someone on the internet who has are going through insane lengths to answer all the questions the creators didn’t want to( or simply couldn’t) solve themselves. Themes like …

7

“How Many House Quality Did The Four Hogwarts Houses Win? ”

In carrying the Harry Potter notebooks to the big screen a lot of fabric got cut, like Peeves the Poltergeist, Peter Pettigrew’s passing, and Professor Poppy Pantaloon’s pooping pointillistic pony. One stuff that few people missed was the House Cup. The annual competition between the four Hogwarts residences as to how many points they could each compile by doing good deeds or generally being little geeks, with the prevailing residence receives the trophy.

But for those of you who thoughts this entertaining fantasy serial necessitated more meaningless arithmetic, the kinfolks over at Pottermore crunched the numbers on the House Cup. That’s how we are aware, for example, that the four lives received a cumulative total of 430 objects in Chamber Of Secrets and lost ten. Meanwhile , no items are awarded in Goblet Of Fire and Deathly Hallows because, respectively, slaying and wizard murder don’t gave the mood for trophy-giving ceremonies.

When it comes to coaches, Professor Snape is obviously the most difficult dick, taking a total of 287 phases. The single biggest reasoning, astonishingly, belong to Professor McGonagall after she fines Harry, Hermione, and Neville 50 moments each for walking the school’s hallways at night. On the other side, the most generous teacher is Dumbledore, who dedicates 400 drawn attention to Harry and Ron for saving Ginny from the Basilisk — an accolade which pretty much guarantees that students started hurling their colleagues down there for easy-going points.

Predictably, Gryffindor has the most stages on account by the end of the sequence( 1000 contributed, 532 recouped ), with the top-earning student being, uh, Ron? Wait, truly? That guy? Well, time to re-release the books under more precise titles, like Ron Weasley And The Whatever Bullshit He Was Doing While Harry Saved The World .

6

“What Sexual Position Did Titanic ‘s Jack And Rose Assume Inside That Car? ”

Among the many untrue our hope that Titanic threw ‘9 0s teens was the idea that having sex in the back of a vehicle has all along been sensuous and nostalgic, as to report to concussions and painstaking human origami. Still, the scene where Jack and Rose get it on inside a Model T is an irrefutable classic, and the second most worn-out part of any Titanic VHS tape.

Since James Cameron wasn’t sending a hardcore skin flick, though, the vistum immediately cuts to the outside of the car, which is something we view Rose ineffectually comprehends the glass of the window before gradually fading. This constitutes the issues to, “How the fuck were they fucking? “

Luckily, Jezebel decided to tackle such a question. They started by establishing that “the hand could not have swiped that rear opening with that slant and that tier of flushness if they are lying Rose bottom-Jack top.” It was basically the Warren Commission, except they knew the number of shooters and is no more than missing the angle.

So, were they doing it doggy-style? Likely not, adjudicating by the fact that we can’t understand a silhouette of Leonardo DiCaprio chugging about like The Little Engine Who Could. Were they doing it missionary-style, as all sexuality was presumably done in that bygone age? Could be, but how would that have worked if Rose wasn’t a double-jointed being? In the end, it took Jezebel staffers taking photographs of their hands and even one miming the stage in her bathtub …

… to conclude that it WAS missionary. Rose was simply applying the window to poise herself for the DiCapenis [ Editor’s Note: Surely there’s a more efficient portmanteau ?] that was about to enter her starboard bend. Come touchdown, she then slipped back into sexual bliss and smeared her hand off the window and across his back. There, doesn’t their own lives feel fuller now that you know that?

5

“What Would The Truman Show Cost In Real Life? ”

Reddit has some dark, distressing corners, but if you delve deep enough, you’ll find communities that don’t suction or detect the need to keep reminding their members not to throw around racist epithets. Case in point, / r/ theydidthemath — a subreddit devote to crowdsourcing answers to the questions that you never knew needed explaining.

Does Eminem spit rhymes as fast as a machine gun can spew bullets? Yes, his proportion of 600 syllables-per-minute realizes him comparable to a 600 round-per-minute RPK.

How many beings would you need to kill if you wanted to forge a sword applying exclusively iron removed from the blood of your descended antagonists? That would be 359, accounting for both the average quantity of cast-iron in a person’s torso and the average load of a classic longsword. Oh, and it turns out that the Empire could have improved two million Star Destroyers for the price of a single Death Star.

Their piece de resistance , however, shall respond given by one user to, “How often would it actually expensed to raise a real life Truman Show ? ” What followed wasn’t just an explain paragraph. It was a multipart report detailing all that is you’d need to run such a speculation. Including the number of additionals you’d have to hire, the full-sized municipality you’d need to build, the cost of creating a monstrous space-visible dome, and most importantly, a stashpot of fancy berets for Ed Harris.

The prognosis was that, yes, you could easily run this if you have a spare $3.5 billion per year . If you decided to run ads, however, it is likely to be wind up being a profitable enterprise. Those chassis might not hold up nowadays think that “youre supposed to” haven’t realise a commercial since 2011, but it’s sufficient to shape us want to throw some kids in phony township penitentiary and fire up Facebook Live.

Time for another quick-fire round! When graded alongside the boosters of Skyrim and Fallout , it is about to change that one of the burliest personas in the history of video gaming is … Steve from Minecraft ? If you wanted to install googly sees on the moon, they’d need to have a radius of 208. target distance : five miles. A subway gondola of passengers glued to their smartphones is equivalent to the entire computing capability of the world in 1991. It would take 340 jugs of brew to get a whale drunkard. In prescribe to trip the Great Pyramid of Giza, the Parthenon, and the Forbidden City during the duration of “A Whole New World” Aladdin and Jasmine would have needed to run at twice the speed of sound. We’d demonstrate you more, but we’ve ruined your productivity enough as it is.

4

“How Much Money Does Joey Owe Chandler On Friends ? ”

One of the most enduring whodunits circumventing Friends is how the ensemble was always able to get that prime sofa blot in Central Perk. We’ve already covered that, though, so here’s another riddle: How much goddamn coin does Joey owe Chandler? Throughout the course of the depict, we learn him plead, borrow, steal, spend, and lose more coin than a reality picture host operating for power. And according to the Redditor who sat down and ran this shit out, it’s either extortion or a money laundering running. We’re suspecting Joey formerly moved in on Chandler in a compromising situation, perhaps relating to the duck and/ or chicken.

In a later episode, it’s established that Chandler has been acting as Joey’s sugar daddy for years, be paid by all his living expenditures. This includes rent for a sizable suite in Greenwich Village — which, as pointed out on the internet once or twice, ain’t cheap. Specific, it’s around $3,500 a month proliferated by the time that they were living together, opening us a total of $63,000. Add in the cost of utilities, groceries, takeout, coffee, coin for appointments, and professional headshots, and the full amounts of the explosions to $111,860. Don’t forget, this is only Joey’s half.

Of course, the show’s shenanigans don’t come cheap either. When Joey winds up allowing the suite to be rob of everything, he promises to foot the bill. That’s another $5,500 for best available tech that the late ‘9 0s had to offer, alongside another $3,400 that Chandler offhandedly mentions to Joey for some unexplained expenditure( probably a month’s value of condoms ). This accompanies the final proposal to an eye-watering $120,760.

3

“Did The Magic Eye Picture In Mallrats Actually Show A Sailboat? ”

Besides the mode, the jargon, and the presence of Jeremy “I’m Totally Not Brendan Fraser” London, the most ‘9 0s thing in Kevin Smith’s Mallrats was the running gag about Willam. You know, the person who keeps staring at a Magic Eye picture all day and still can’t receive the concealed sailboat.

Well, it turns out there’s a very good reason for this. The picture doesn’t contain a sailboat. And how do we know this? The magical of Photoshop and tireless decide. One fan was able to reverse-engineer the original persona( which was screencapped from the movie) by emulating and superimposing it over its duplicate, simulating the free movement of persons your eyes are presumed to move when you “relax” them. This road, he was able to discover what was really inside.

It was some random influences! So, wait, does this means that every single reputation in this movie, from some little girl to Stan Lee, got together to fucking with Willam? That seems like a feasible rationale, except that Willam himself eventually receives the sailboat, too. We have no choice but to conclude that the specific characteristics in this Kevin Smith movie might have been stoned.

2

“How Much Wood Would A Woodchuck Chuck? ”

The tongue twister “How much lumber could a woodchuck grub if a woodchuck could chuck lumber? “( HMWCWCCWCCCW for short) is one of pop culture’s most enduring riddles, connecting age-old classics like “Where’s the beef? ” and “Who saves granting Adam Sandler work? ” Or at least, it would be if it hadn’t been solved so difficult that there’s actually two mixtures, one for each explanation of the word “chuck.”

The first answer — which uses the definition of “chuck” in reference to tossing or hurling something — was worked out in the halcyon periods of 1988 by Dick Thomas, a wildlife technician with the State Department of Environmental Conservation. After realizing that the woodchuck wasn’t a mythological animal and could be studied, he decided to set up shop and determine how much grime woodchucks move when they’re construct their colossal holes. These aren’t any ol’ holes we’re talking about here. Woodchucks live in passages 25 to 30 paws long and six inches wide-eyed, generating them an average publication of 35 square paws( or a real territory importance of one million dollars in New York City ).

From this, it was just a instance of multiplying 35 square hoofs by the average weight of one square hoof of grunge( 20 pounds ), to give us the woodage that a woodchuck could chuck if we are able to chuck grove — 700 pounds worth. The second answer reads “chuck” as in “swallow.” For two scientists, who possibly had an interesting season excusing this to their gift administrators, there were one real course of researching this — feeding groupings of woodchucks planks of wood and investigating how much, on average, they were able to work through in a date. Which comes out to 361 cubic centimeters.

Now that we’ve answered that doubt, discussed their living quarters, and examined their eating garbs, let’s reconcile the mystery you were certainly thinking about: What the fuck a woodchuck looks like.

1

“If Frankenstein’s Monster Had Sex, How Long Would It Take For His Kids To Kill All Humans? ”

At the end of Frankenstein , a group of angry villagers mob the neighbourhood palace intent on torching everything, includes the monster who lives there and the gentle inventor’s daughter who … wait , no, that’s Beauty And The Beast . In Mary Shelley’s book, Frankenstein’s monster absconds and proliferates increasingly smart, eventually hankering for the one thing every smart being longs for, doin’ it. He even seeks Dr. Frankenstein and expects him to obligate him a wife.

Bernie Wrightson via Black Gate
“OK, A) I’m your pa, B) we’re both straight, and C) I’m not ready for that kind of commitment.”

Dr. Frankenstein considers it, but stops at the last minute after he realizes that this could foretell the end of humanity “as a hasten of demons would be propagated upon the earth, who might stimulate the very existence of the types of humanity a condition precarious and full of terror.” But suppose Dr. F had said, “Sure, I was trying to figure out what the hell is do with these leftover vaginas anyway.” How long would it take the monster’s ugly grandkids to take over “the worlds”? These are the questions ecologists live for, apparently, so a cluster of them sat down and wielded it out. The answer?

American Institute of Biological Discipline
Kinda obvious in retrospect .

Basically, we’d be fucking destroyed thanks to something called the principle of competitive exclusion — the sad detail that two near-identical species can’t share their resources( in this case, nutrient) without one of those species genociding the other with their super-monster parts.

If the beings had sired infants, these bored ecologists calculated, they would have started out at a impediment granted our superior figures. Nonetheless, since they’re almost unkillable and all, it wouldn’t be long before the tables were swerved. The information that the ogres would have moved to South America simply facilitates their crusade. They’d lose one or two to the occasional jaguar strike, but the sparse person would help them to easily overwhelm the continent and spread like a beset across the world, culminating in the world-wide extinction of humanity by 6006.

Marvel Comics
Frankenstein 6006 sounds like a splendid premise for a ‘9 0s cartoon reboot .

So yeah , no matter how shitty our world is, you should wake up every morning peppy and galvanized, as you’ll been a long time dead by the time The Great Frankenstein War/ Sex-Off of 6006 rolls around.

Follow Adam on Twitter! He also has a Facebook page, if you’re into that kind of thought . For more rebuttals you didn’t recognize you needed to know, check out 6 Hilarious( But Accurate) Statistics About Pop Culture and 5 Insane Pop Culture Questions Answered By Super Fans . Subscribe to our YouTube path, and check out 6 Bizarrely Specific Scenes Hollywood Won’t Quit Using, and other videos you won’t experience on the site !

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Read more: www.cracked.com

Updated: June 7, 2017 — 8:54 am

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